Forgiveness

The other day my daughter, Thea, brought up something that happened months ago.  Something that Sam had done to her that had hurt her.  My initial response to her was to get over it; it happened months ago.  Then I stopped to think what a great moment this was to teach forgiveness.  I'm talking full forgiveness.  

How do we define forgiveness?  According to Webster's Dictionary it's:

• to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong)
• to stop blaming (someone)
• to stop feeling anger about (something)
• to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)

Forgiveness is a verb.  It's an action.  It's purposeful and powerful.  And, it can be hard to do.

Jesus said in Luke 17:3-4 "Pay attention to yourselves!  If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."

Yikes!  It's incredibly hard to "stop feeling anger toward someone" seven times in one day! Although, out of all those definitions of forgiveness I believe that's the easiest one to accomplish.  Especially for children.  They have a fight, they push or hurt, and not even 30 seconds later they are playing together again.  What I've seen that's hard from my own children (and myself) is the ability to "stop blaming".  In layman's terms I think of that as the "forgetting" part of "forgive & forget".  They may forgive the feeling of anger but they can certainly hold a grudge for a long time!

So, here's what I said to Thea the other day when she brought up a past hurt and was still blaming Sam...
Me: "When Sam hurt you that day did you forgive him?"
Thea: "Yes"
Me: "What does it mean to forgive someone?"
Thea: "To accept his apology."
Me: "Right, that's part of it.  Did you know that when someone has asked you for forgiveness you also have to let go of the blame, you have to let go of the hurt and not bring it up again."
Thea: "Well, that's hard for me because I remember everything."
Me: "I know, it's hard for me too.  I have to ask Jesus for help when I want to forgive someone.  And I sometimes have to ask many, many times for His help."
Thea: "What do you say to Jesus?"
Me: "I say, Jesus please help me to let this hurt go.  I know that I make mistakes and I know that you let everything go completely once I've asked for forgiveness.  Sometimes I make mistakes over and over again and every time you forgive me.  I pray that I can completely forgive all the time."

And, then, as quickly as a 6 year old can, she was off playing Barbies.